Talk: May 12, 2024
Talk of the Town: Various body parts for Mother’s Day by Mark LaFlamme
No butts about it
Some of you know, because you carefully chronicle my likes and dislikes, that I refuse to accept Facebook friend requests from guys who are shirtless in their profile pics. Just a little quirk of mine. Well, the other day, I got a friend request from someone whose profile photo displayed only their bare buttocks. At first I thought I was looking at two Thanksgiving turkeys sitting side by side, but no. Buttocks. That was a hard pass, also. I guess I have a lot of quirks.
Dang, nature. You scary.
A few years ago, a Phoebe built her nest above my door and all through the spring I got the joy of watching her chicks being born. For that entire season, I was completely enamored of the birds and we sang glorious songs of nature’s majesty together. This year? Instead of birds, I get wasps. Lively, mean looking wasps have built a nest somewhere, so every time I step outside, I have to wade through an angry swarm of them, doing the little is-it-on-my-back? dance the whole way. It’s not as fun as looking at the birds, but I gotta say. For getting my butt moving first thing in the day, those menacing buzzers are better than three cups of coffee.
Bottomed out
Did I just use “butt” in two items in a row? My bad. I could have been more creative by using bum, behind, rear end, heinie or fanny, I suppose, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.
You mothers
Don’t forget it’s Mother’s Day, Boyo. Bring your momma some nice flowers and a pile of your dirty laundry. They like that, I’m pretty sure.
Broken windows
If you heard far-off screams of rage and anguish late in the evening on Tuesday, don’t you fret. That was just me trying to install Linux on a computer that was possessed by the demon spawn known as Windows 11. As a rule, I would rather drink water from the Lewiston canal than deal with Windows 11, but there I was waiting out its boot loops, blue screens and vague, taunting messages: “Diagnosing your machine. Making repairs. Whoops, diagnosing again. You should go get a cup of tea. This is going to take foreeeeever…” In the end, I defeated Bill Gates’ loathsome creature and then it took all of 10 minutes for Linux to install itself. You may have heard my Mel-Gibson-in-Braveheartesque screams of triumph or witnessed my naked victory dance straight down East Avenue. Sorry about that. I try not to show my fanny in public but this was a big win.
